Ever Been Afraid To Ask For Help?

Posted: Monday June 22, 2009 under Lead Myself

Even heroes need help. Where would Sherlock Holmes be without Watson, Luke Skywalker without Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda, Bruce Wayne without Alfred, Thelma without Louise.

When I joined a gym some years ago and arrived for my first workout, one of the gym’s personal trainers took me through a great coaching session. She was tremendous. We shared perspectives to determine where I was and where I wanted to be, we shared ideas for a personal training routine, and we agreed on some initial goals I thought I could handle and commit to.

Then she gave me a tour of the equipment and closely walked me through my entire routine. She demonstrated how to use each piece of equipment and guided my efforts to copy her movements. She adjusted my technique, told me the benefits of what I was doing for each area of my body, told me what I could expect to feel later in my muscles, and she gave me gentle words of encouragement to push me just enough beyond what I thought I could do.

When I came in for my second visit to the gym, I saw the same personal trainer. She came by and asked how I felt and if I was ready for more. “Oh yeah,” I said eagerly. She said, “Alright! Have a great workout.” I watched her walk away, and I realized—to my horror—that I was on my own. It turned out, of course, that although a personal trainer got you started at this gym, you had to pay extra to keep her around; and since I could barely afford the membership, there was no chance of that.

About a month later, I was in constant pain, I wasn’t sure I was doing things right, I was scared to ask for help (I could imagine people laughing about me being such a novice), and I began dreading the whole thing. My motivation was shot, and I became one of those many, many gym members who are members in name—and monthly check—only.

What happened? I still needed instruction and encouragement to make the effort stick. I was trying to make this big task happen on my own, and I needed help to build up enough momentum to do it on my own. If I couldn’t afford to have the personal trainer coach me, I should have at least sought out a partner to travel down the path with me for mutual support.

Mentors:

A mentor is a trusted person who has gone down your desired development path before you and can show you the ropes. For example, if you are interested in promotion to management, you might find a manager promoted to a similar position within the past few years (recently enough to relate to today’s environment, but in the job long enough to have learned valuable lessons).

Coaches:

Whereas mentors typically give you career advise, coaches often take a more active role in helping you down your development path. They work shoulder-to-shoulder with you to move you from “novice” to “master” in a specific task or skill. (Of course, the same person can mentor you and coach you.)

Partners:

A partner is someone who is starting down your same development path and learning along with you. Whereas mentors and coaches tend to have preceded you down the path, a partner is at your same learning stage.

Other People:

If nothing else, tell people your goal and what you’re doing. The more people you tell, the harder it is not to do it. You can also use the support and influence of these people to help motivate you.